Pessimistic
by Pastry chan
Summary: I watched from the window as Kazuma-kun left with his new friends again. He never really had time for anyone other than them these days. I thought the black haired youth looked like a punk, the short one looked like a gothic punk, and the pretty, red-haired female was a cross dresser, she always wore men's clothes! I hated them, but I hated the girls the most! I was so selfish...


**Author notes: None really.**

**Disclaimer: This is a fan fiction. No money is being made from this work. Yu Yu Hakusho is the creation of Yoshihiro Togashi and not mine. **

**Chapter 1 Worry and Selfishness**

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I watched from the window as Kazuma-kun left with his new friends again. He never really had time for anyone other than _them_ these days. I thought the black haired youth looked like a punk, the short one looked like a Gothic punk, and the pretty, red-haired female was a cross dresser, she always wore men's clothes! The only other female that came over to Kazuma's apartment was a blue-haired girl who was very feminine. I was jealous and not afraid to admit it. I had few friends as it was and now one of those few was never around anymore. I hated it! I hated them! I really disliked the girls the most!

I tried to keep the tears the threatened to fall at bay. I always had a hard time not being a pessimist about things. However, the thoughts going through my head right now were anything but cheerful. I felt betrayed and I really thought I was losing a dear friend. The last time he left, it was for weeks on end. When he finally came home, his only excuse was he had to go visit family. It seemed like a legitimate excuse at the time as his sister, Shizuru, even went with him. However, from an overheard conversation (I was not spying on him) I learned that all his new friends went as well. I always know when I'm being lied to though.

He was so beaten up and sore for days after he came home. I know he was doing something else that did not involve any distant family of his. I only hope it had nothing to do with any type of crime organization. He did get in trouble for fighting at school all the time. I would have to ask my uncle if he had heard anything about the underground crime world involving teenage boys running around doing dirty work for others. It wasn't unheard of for crime syndicates to recruit members at a young age, so I had real reason to worry. My uncle was a private investigator with informants that might know something.

After they disappeared around the corner, I walked away from the window towards the kitchen. I desperately needed some tea to help calm my nerves down. It might seem ridiculous but Kazuma spending all his time with his new friends really messed with me. I filled the pot with water and set it to boil. Walking back to the living area, I sat on the sofa to wait for the teapot to whistle. My mind was a wandering mess at the moment. I was trying to decide what I would do about Kazuma ignoring me all the time. I really could not make up my mind. I felt so selfish and immature for thinking the way I was right now.

I have been living next door to the Kuwabara siblings for over five years now. Kazuma and Shizuru have been a constant part of my life in Tokyo. I only have four real friends here in Japan. I have a hard time just up and making friends. I was shy and very selective with who I invested my time with. I wasn't the sort of girl to just make friends with someone just because they went to the same school as me. I needed a kind of connection that would make my involvement with someone fulfilling.

Don't get me wrong, I got along with most people fine. I've only had trouble with the people who were just really determined to hate me. I stayed out of their way and they stayed out of mine though. I am shy but that did not mean I was a push over. I didn't let people bother me with their bully ways. I ignored them and they just gave up after a while.

Acting like the dumb, blonde foreigner worked to my advantage when people decided to pick on me. The teachers at school took pity on me since the only family living in Tokyo with me was my Grandpa. My parents and older sister lived in Florida in the US and had no desire to move to a foreign country. My older brother though, he was living in Germany. I haven't seen any of them in almost a year and I was starting to feel a little lonely.

My parents were the only ones who really understood my reasons for having so few friends. I came from a strange family. We were generations of very superstitious folk that liked to dabble in things that really should be left alone. At least, that's what one of the aunts told me. She liked to mess around with peoples love lives. Actually, a lot of the women in our family liked to do that.

That's why I was so selective about who I was friends with. I needed people who could handle my strange ways. So, far only four people have not been bothered by the salt in my windows or the little sachets hanging here and there in my apartment. The poppets I have might raise their eyebrows but they don't judge me for them. Shizuru liked to sit and watch me do spells every now and then. She even had a kitchen poppet I made for her hanging over her stove. It was there for luck to help keep food from burning or whatnot.

The teakettle whistled shrilly to let me know that it was ready for the tea leaves. I returned to the kitchen with a heavy sigh. The rose tea that I adored was almost empty. It looked like I would be going on a shopping trip to my favorite import store soon. I could also pick up some of the herbs I needed for the little spell I was working on too. Most Japanese shops did not carry all the things I needed for that little hobby of mine.

It wasn't anything dangerous. I never messed around with curses or dark things like that. I just really wanted to do a protection spell for Kazuma and Shizuru. They really had me worried. I had already gifted them with an aloe plant in hopes that it would help, but I still felt that more was needed. I already had all the things needed for the spell written down. I gave a little giggle as I thought of a classmate of mine that was showing off her new book of spells during lunch today.

I never used prewritten spells. If they even worked, they were never very powerful. In my family, you were always taught to make your own magic. Something you make yourself is always better and more powerful. Now, we do keep books on herbs and other information to help us create our own spells and things. We also have books that we fill with the spells we make ourselves. We just don't use things that someone has written and published. Most of that stuff is just bogus anyways.

My tea was ready for me to take back to the living area now. I carried the pot and cup in there on a tray and sat it down on the table in front of the green sofa. Moving my English book out of the way, I began to pour the tea into my cup. The scent of roses and black tea was very soothing to me.

I was in the middle of studying for the upcoming English test I had when I heard the door to Kazuma's apartment open and close. That was how I knew he had left for god only knows where in the middle of the night. He was always coming and going now. When I had last asked him about it he just told me that he had some things to take care of. The way he said it was so suspicions. Kazuma was never any good at lying to people. He was too honest of a person and that's what I liked the most about him.

I really did feel cheated right now. He was always gone with his new friends; they were not even the same people he used to hang out with. Even his old friends didn't see him a whole lot anymore. Shizuru just waved it off as him making more friends. I still think they are getting him in trouble. Why else would he come home with a cracked lip or black eye?

I scoffed a little as I thought of it. I would talk to Chika in school tomorrow. She gave good advice when I needed it. I finished my tea a made my way to bed. It was late and I needed to get some sleep for school. Grandpa would kill me if I skipped another day.

I never heard when Kazuma came home. I was already asleep by that point.


End file.
